If by “hitting”, you mean slap, punch, wallop or anything like that, then you come up with the “yes” answer. You might also pull hair, gouge, pinch and more. Things like these are portrayed as barbaric and abusive, and they should be. Is there a better way? (more…)
Daddy #1 often seemed unreasonable with his kids. He seemed harsh, overbearing and demanding. He said to me that kids should be servants, not masters. I wondered if he took that a little too far. He ruled with an iron fist and was quick to voice his opinion strongly, forcefully, and often loudly.
He disciplined severely and encouraged others to do the same with their kids.
It seemed to me that he was leading his kids in such a way that the only kiss they would give him would be a goodbye kiss. They would rebel at the first chance.
They didn’t. So I ask, “Why not?” (more…)
Imagine this: an airline without any posted arrival and departure times.
This guy goes up to the desk and asks, “When does the plane board for Nashville?”
The answer: “We’re not sure, sir, but it could be any time.”
“Do you know when the plane will arrive from Orlando?”
“We’re not sure, sir, but it could be any time.”
He persists, “How will I know when to board?”
“We’ll make an announcement sir.”
Later he is reading a book, and an announcement is made. He misses it. Frantic, he asks someone, “What did they say?” For the fifteenth time it has nothing to do with him.
Approaching the desk again, he asks, “Why don’t you post schedules?”
“We don’t like to straitjacket ourselves, sir. Just look at it this way; we are never late.” The attendant smiles, showing that two teeth are missing. Our frequent flyer understands why.
It seems crazy, doesn’t it?
The wild thing is that we often run our homes like that. We don’t want to straitjacket ourselves, so we play it loose. Our kids are like the frequent flyer (more…)
Last year, we were fortunate to see Will marry Maria. At their wedding the photographer looked around for fitting backgrounds for the bride and groom pictures. In the chapel, outside, near the door, in front of trees, in front of fountains, and on and on. He took a lot of time on the background, but when the pictures came, we didn’t really notice the backgrounds. We noticed the couple.
Here’s the point: the background supported and focused on the real object of the picture, the bride and groom.
As Patricia and I grew and matured as parents, we realized that certain structures supported our relationships in the home. Order enhanced our lives together. We choose to call these background disciplines. These background disciplines are the unnoticed sentinels that maintain the peace and harmony within a home. The better you manage, the less you punish. (more…)